WHEREAS: The US Treasury wants — and says it needs — 700 billion extra dollars right now.
WHEREAS: The US Treasury wants — and says it needs — taxpaying US citizens to provide these dollars right now.
WHEREAS: Roughly 100 million US citizens are taxpayers,
let's say.
WHEREAS: 700 billion dollars ÷ 100 million taxpayers = $7,000.
WHEREAS: The price per taxpayer to "get the country outta this mess" would seem to be approximately $7,000.
WHEREAS: President Bush says the Treasury absolutely needs the $700,000,000,000 right now.
WHEREAS: President Bush says there's no time to dawdle, or talk, or think.
WHEREAS: President Bush's urgency can mean only one thing: that he believes terrible consequences will befall the USA if the Treasury does not get its way.
WHEREAS: The terrible consequences that will befall the USA have not been clearly described.
WHEREAS: The vague specter of terrible consequences naturally gets us thinking about the worst terrible things that could actually happen.
WHEREAS: One of the worst terrible things that could actually happen to the USA is that it could suddenly die.
WHEREAS: The concept of "sudden USA death" sounds both absurd and funny, but is actually neither absurd nor funny if we're thinking creatively.
WHEREAS: It's a safe bet that at least some of the USA's friendly neighbor nations are thinking creatively.
WHEREAS: You and I take for granted that we cannot know — and will not ever know — exactly why the US Treasury needs all this money right now, and where all the money will go if they get it.
WHEREAS: You and I have not been reassured that the USA will not suddenly die if the Treasury does not get the money.
WHEREAS: We, the taxpaying citizens of the USA, tacitly demand that the USA doesn't suddenly die.
WHEREAS: I, personally, superdon't want the USA to suddenly die.
LET IT BE RESOLVED THAT: I, for one, will pay $7,000 to keep the USA alive if everybody else will. I'll go get what cash I have out of the bank right now, okay? It'll be about $2,000. And I'll put as much of the rest of the $5,000 as I can on my VISA.