crude futures

I wrote this to boost my self-esteem, and make extra money to spend on plane tickets to Brooklyn. I am "unconcerned" about the implications of writing for a New Times owned publication. Or whatever. Sorry everybody

candy scribblin'

heya! my g/f, my guest, and I 'drew' this lil Twomblism coupla weeks ago when weather conditions were about 84°/80% humidity. our materials???: Peanut M & M's (chilled to ~45°) and a room temperature ceramic bowl.

crude futures / fifth-quarter business model

ABOVE: digital watercolorist's bird's-eye rendition of three co-bloggers sharing with each other in equilateral, round-shouldered perpetuity (perpetualness). A game of hot potato.

META: cobble heel, COMING APART at the Schemes, coming apart like a dropped 1st-gen Eames Polaroid (My friend Ryan's was dropped, then I dropped mine! Two separate cameras found at two separate garage sales both pristine then broken by crappccident! Both accidents post-college, within 500 days of each other), Coming Apart at the Dreams, coming apart at the Me!-Me!s (nb: not "memes"), coming apart at the Teens, coming apart at the Walgreens, Coming Apart at the Achebe reading at the Signing Table in front of Achebe Himself, Robert Guillaume "Milk of Magnesia is Vegan" advertisement TV "Robert Guillaume was the original Vegan" popular ad clarification "black clarified unfair butter" (nb: "drawn butter = clarified butter"), "afro-american televised vintner," Danny Glover as Robert Guillaume in The Royal Ten Angry Mennenbaums "by Mennen" jingle "jangliest jauntiest lubricants", sepiaGuillaume, Matthew Barney to play Destro in forthcoming GI Joe flick film movie oh yeah G.I. Joe Barney 3-3/4" inch doll toy oh yeah Matthew Barney Destro figurine fully poseable miniature figure minifig mini-figure, Matthew Barney Destro Kubrick toy, Clubber Lang Chicago Cubs pennant, pertinent squib, squib kick, luge blog, Timothy Hutton as Dale Cooper in Twin Peaks remake, Kyle Maclachlan as Rutger Hauer in D. Lynch-directed Hauer biopic (feat. awesome backstory on the design of the Ladyhawke jousting helmets!), Chevy Chase as Optimus Prime or a Marvel superhero (Iron Man's dad?), "Timbuktu is coming to you" poster craze 1970s "Timbuktu collector literature" + poster, friend college friend pal girl platonic friend Kristin Peach remark comment about large breasts emitting Kool-Aid "big boobs" + "breast Kool-Aid instead of breastmilk" or "horsehoof beverage via nipple discharge" schemes schematic diagram, carbon "dating" vs. carbon "courting": which is appropriate for a prehistoric teenage adolescent corpse corpus mummy attitude actitud rum rum runner bangers, "Is Harvey Wallbanger an only child?", cold feet with "chilitos", "chilitos" the Spanish cognate of "chilly toes", inkjet printer acne solution, "The Peanut-Buckter Solution" film crotch-hair growth formula racy risque riskay RISC "Bay of Riskay", This film is inappropriate for adolescents due to implied application of peanut butter to the privates, link to post, Andrew --> Andre???, What's Next "What Gives" what is next "homie pie Ione Skye" Steev --> MikeTeev --> RikSteevz --> travelagent travel-gent plangent play a gent like a mongolian... barbecue-bone-fingerbone-lickinspiel-glock/glockenspiel!, Prince Edward Eyeland HAS THE LARGEST handheld egg-beater. 14 feet tall and operated by a hand crank, what better way to spend the 3rd (third) wedding anniv. than to go visit it, and to see a potato museum, and to bike across the island, and to stay sleep rest scheme dream check email in a lighthouse, AAA ratings suggestions, "Suddenly Germaine" advice advisors, Michael Bolton's song "(You Are) The Wind Beneath My Boots", Puss N'Boots provocateur saboteur sabre-toothed-bateur, baton-bateur, mask-bateur, dog-bateur, bait-bateur, breath-bateur, breast-bateur, hermeneutics tourguide, Steve Silberberg "Slickpicklehamburger" handburger incidental come-across happenstance, Thank You For Your Visits ¡TONY anthony DeLELLES! of Toledo, O "Toledo, OH"; as fifth graders we were founding members of a club called F.U.B.A.R. inspired by Kurt Russell in Tango & Cash, "Jack Palance badass old guy" era "neon newly passe" era past prime, I never once had to TV-dine, trusting up the tan for a real-life Journey of Natty Gann, where the guy who played Leland Palmer began, post and lintel construction IS PRETTY MUCH DISPLACED BY blogpost-and-lentil construction, right Steev? EVIDENCE OF ALL TECHNOLOGY SUCKING, CHAPTER 11 (subtitle: BANKRUPTCY): the "new" dashboard stickies in OS 10.4 = TOTAL backslide!!!, "ludicrous and pointless memory-sucking Tiger dashboard visual F/X! bumblebee-wing sticker, glow-sticker, "Andre" is not sitting well with me, are you gonna keep up that post with your g'friend? "Kust Jidding" blog, "Cursed Jibing" blog, protoNina, "Crust Gibbon" blog, "Pride Peaches" blog, "Plaid Fires" blog, Corn Eaters blog, blog "Foot+Perchers", "Noid Paunch", SEPARATED AT PERTH: some Australians Aussies Aussie shampoo treatment scalp shampoo purple bottle bad smell, fake poo called "sham poo" in men's dramaturgy group, Pete Geddes science teacher dream, Turntec running shoes, "Turntec Turntec" screamed aloud, "hotter brands", BK dimacell dymacell dimacells dymacells shoe savvy, saavy, Drive a Saav Guillaume Guillotine "gluten flautist", clotted cream goes best with General Mills int'l coffees and BERTICE READING biographies bio biography, can't stop grabbing doors slamming a door in my face, DISCLAIMER FOR DAD: I am still fully 100% employed paychecks coming playtex redesign brand overhaul leggings up to my adam's apple in leggings free stockings clean stockings, lucrid/liquid, Quidditch bowl, squid Quiddich squidQuickdish, paid in pantyhose by I.M. DREAMIN O'NEVRA-ibnCHEVRE-STOPPEN, "Why does Kokomo Indiana have an IBN SAUD GROTTO?" question interrobang "interrobang scar" + parody, "halloween costume with dog as pirate and dog-owner as parrot", halloween costume + "promotes scoleosis" "olly olly scoleosis income-free" + "income-free lifeskittle lifestyle lifeskillet lifekettle", A SPECIAL HIDDEN DAMN NOTE that TRY-angles ARE ALWAYS STRONG IF SOUND, and I gotta walk the dog... RIGHTnow. "Thomas Kinkade's first nativity Christmas tree." "Chloe Savagery," so WORRIED I can't even YOU KNOW, All in all I bettle I be a stickwitch whittle bumpersticker, gluten flautistS (pluralize please. I am hungry. Pass the Andre's CookieShack.)>

separated at birth? final aggrandizement edition

adorable li'l dude Fred Savage...

...and adorable li'l dude... ME!!!!!

separated at birth? late censored edition

harmony korine's girlfriend Chloe Sevigny...

...and "my" girlfriend Pseudonymeena Tabathissiter?

Separated at birth? vol II

Walkman Hamilton Leithauser...

and...

Crude Futures editor Spires Rossiter?

separated at birth?

Oberlin-educated "disease-nerd/indie-rock muse" Myla Goldberg...

...and...

... Oberlin-educated "indie-rock muse/disease-nerd" Rebecca R*******??

operation: total happiness

just kidding

I haven't "slept enough" but I did have a chance to read some of the newspaper this morning

also eating as much food as possible yesterday and today

just in case I get lost in the jungle and don't have a chance to eat for a week or something

this way I'll have stored some calories

; so anyway team listen up here's what we've got:
Blue team, you guys are going to cover the area behind the cafeteria, plus the docks and cabin 1. Green team: laundry, main road, and woods next to laundry. Red team: you guys get to drinnk sprite with P. etc just kidding

Hurricane Katrina didn't hit New Orleans directly like they thought, but it did hit the Gulf coast and about a million people lost power and a bunch of people died, in New Orleans some houses were up to their roofs in water, people had to be rescued off of their roofs. Mississippi got hit, too. Buncha tourists couldn't figure out where to go so they slept in the football stadium. Buncha offshore oil rigs had to be evacuated so the price of oil skyrocketed. New Orleans didn't do a very good job preparing for this likely emergency -- they could have fortified the levees.

Iraq is figuring out their constitution. I guess they passed it, or something, and people will vote in a referendum in October?Sunnis are boycotting it. Some Sunnis say no. Some Sunnis will try to drum up support so that when it's time to vote the constitution will be rejected. But others, you know, like Shiites or Kurds say that the Sunnis aren't organized enough to do that. Sorry

Neil knows a lot about North Korea, and tools. He is so masculine. There is something wrong with me. Sorry, lady, I'm so sorry

In India sometimes when your baby is born they take it away and then say "give me $12 for your baby back." In the hospital!! Bribes are a major part of daily life for poor folks the world over. They end up paying more than middle-class peoples.

In umm Nebraska I think you can marry if you're 14 or 13 or something. This dude who's 19 or so married a 13 or 14 yr old lady and moved back to Kansas (I might have that backwards). Then they had une bebe and are in trouble for Statutory Rape. Kansas is embarassed. He has made mistakes but is being a good dad. Both he and his young bride wear glasses.

In rural Japan the post office handles ALL KINDS OF ASPECTS OF DAILY LIFE

Chanel No. 5 was created in the twenties. It uses rosewood. It's major success has created a giant black market for rosewood, which is said to make you go cah-razy for lady!! This black market is based in a place called Silvas in Brazil I think

Jaques Chirac + France is not psyched about Iran's nuclear capabilities!!!

WORLD BRIEF: Israel is going to pull out of more places eventually, incl. Judea and Sumeria. 'Noff is a Zionist. Buildings collapsed in India. Pit Bulls outlawed in Ontario. Extant puppies allowed if they're neutered and muzzled in public. Why do you think??!? Because of highly publicized child-harming pit-bull incidents. IDIOT. Also in Canada another thing happened that was interesting. Uganda?? I am sleepy. Uganda: I forget. North Korea: Not happy about a human rights guy with a Jewish last name. They'll have a chat session later on. They are acting "businesslike." Also not happy about American military manoueversz in South Korea. U.S. claims they are mellow maneuvers, talks should resume soon please. Fun-sounding book by a Hollywood correspondent for the London Times, a self-described coward, who was sent to Iraq, wrote a book about being a cowardly geek-reporter in Iraq. People still unsure if Shakespeare wrote those plays. Shakeshafte?? I made some mistakes at work. Additionally: whatever. I'm fine. And if I'm not: I'm STILL fine. beat that, Kasparov!!

KPMG dudes were indicted. KPMG was one of those firms always bold, always brassy. Tax shelters. IRS would be like, "hey, watch those tax shelters, boys." KPMG, quick and hot: "fuck YOU, IRS. Why don't you mind YOUR tax shelters 'fore I etc". They are making a huge telescope in Arizona. Liquid glass filling up a tank!! so hot! Dignitaries sweating and drinking water. I saw 40 yr old virgin last night with my ex-boyfriend at the Cobble Hill -- Kabal Hill -- how do u spell that -- just kidding saw it with JJBIGGINz at 1000AMC VANNESS. just kidding sorry

Justice JohnRoberts met with Senator Leahy (D) who gave him homework!! he said "i don't want your answer to be 'I haven't read that document so I don't have an opinion about it so I made you a handy copy of it. Read it before I question you next week!'" They opened the Reagan Library files which had lotsa John Roberts potential candidate for the Supreme Court files. There was one part where he said "go soak your head" in a letter. Other stuff where he was very protective of privacy!!!!

sleepy

work hates me

uh

beaches

soduku

uh

'

People are into the show Laguna Beach on MTV. MTV video awards are coming.

75 Abbey Roads

Jayson collected these a long time ago. He particularly likes the ones in which people are exaggerating their walk or standing still, striking a walk-pose.



What keeps people from just walking normally? The Beatles look pretty natural:

FREE PIMP C, *NOT* JUDITH MILLER

The Hand of Judith Miller is tired. She is away from her typewriter. Even if for some reason she isn't a superShady info-peddling CIA ho, the fact is that for textual expression, in 2005, she relies almost completely on a TYPEWRITER. and that, to me, seems impossibly lame and jailworthy. [or she is just blowing letter writers off, which is cool] you should follow this link, because it contains the phrase "was ‘Miller Time’ of yellow journalism". I have [embarrassingly?] allowed the huffingtonpost to color a personal opinion!

META NOTE: No savvy cafepress.com entrepreneurs have provided "DO NOT FREE JUDITH MILLER" shirts...why not?! I would rock one! is this META NOTE a release 4 u 2 steal my idea? "my" idea?

 

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