do you guys mind if I just head home? I'm feeling a little... "under the weather" today. is that cool? I'll be fine, i'll catch up over the weekend. If anything comes up, just call my cell: poor old chive, nine twelve, oh regina. niner. seven. six. eight. thanks.
Fat stoner walks into Amoeba. SCENE! Good work, actors. Take a lunch break. Take a curried chicken sandwich, fedex it to your FACE! It's the old saw about Andrew Leland getting enough sleep and then trying to engage the world. I'll be "Working from Home" today. Oh my god I am going to KILL Man-hola Dargis. I don't mean literally. One time in fourth grade I put a note in the backpack of a kid I didn't even really dislike that had a skull and crossbones and a message: after lunch today, I'm going to KILL you. I was busted and felt insanely chagrined chastened sheepish embarrassed and ruefull. It was obvious to me that I wasn't going to kill this kid, but since there were kids at the school who did hurt each other, they took my note seriously. This was New City, and the eighties had just drawn to a close like..........................a pair of lips puckering so hard they turn into a shrivelled little unit of milkdamp cracklin' oat bran. um. anyway last chance for you to imagine ten-yr-old shower feelings wearing tophat and petticoat protesting in my unfamiliar public school principal's office, "but sir, could you really find me capable of committing such a heinous act? surely you recognize me for what I am, a vendor of custom stationery to my peers, a jokesmith, a wee fatso, but surely, surely I am no murderer or gadsvillain, no crime-ateer?"
I imagine the New York Times's omsbudddzperson calling me into their office for saying I want to kill Manhola but she kept prattling on this morning about film director Nancy Meyers like she was an institution of some kind. "Oh, the New Nancy Meyers is finally out, and now she's got Jack Black in her quiver, etc"/ It's all the more insulting because and I don't care what you say, A.O. Scott is a national treasure. This line, in his review of Unaccompanied Minors, made me chuckle into my morning tureen of chili-cheese Frito pie:
“Unaccompanied Minors” assembles a squad of familiar adolescent movie types. [...] In a remarkable feat of economy, the nerd, the black kid and the Jew are all rolled into the agile, jug-eared person of Tyler James Williams.but the real good stuff is his review of apocalyptico. nevermind, just read some edgar a. poe n leaf me alone
ah, life!! just kidding. um, do you guys want to hang out today? I'm free. Seriously, I'll just catch up over the weekend. Let's go shoe-surfing in the marino. what's that?? let's puke italian food on the kerb in front of a japanese restaurant in the marino. What's that?? Who's marino? I'm going to see if I can get arrested at the Exploratorium. I will pretend to be a child and then spray fake blood on myself. That's not funny.
Let me explain something about nature to you: it's awesome. LITERALLY
Have you guys ever slowly lowered an unread Sunday San Francisco Chronicle into the ocean, then lifted it back out, dripping and abluted, and rubbed your little butt all over it? Neither have I! Call HPEX x231.
Seriously, I don't care, leave me alone. This blog poast isn't a fragging RESPONSE PAPER in a MEDIEVAL POETRY CLASS that exists solely for you to CRITICIZE AND DISAGREE WITH. A better analogy would be: this post is an EVERCLEAR MAXI-SINGLE in a USED CD BIN that you're NOT GOING TO BUY but which DOES YOU NO HARM. Leave the maxi-single in the bin. Don't buy it unless you want it. It's cheap.